Understanding How Grief Counseling Can Help The Healing Process
Many people think grief only occurs after someone dies. While grief can certainly show up as tears, sadness, and that heavy feeling in your chest, it encompasses much more than that.
At Milestone Counseling, clinician Kellie Bradley explains, “People often associate grief with the loss of a loved one due to death. However, feelings of grief can happen from any loss.”
Many individuals are in pain without realizing that what they are experiencing is grief. They may feel off, irritable, tired, anxious, numb, angry, or stuck. They might think, “I should be over this by now,” but they are not.
If any of this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone, and you are not navigating grief the wrong way.
Grief can take many different forms. Let’s identify when it might be time to seek help, and how grief counseling at Milestone can help.
What is Grief, and Why it Can Feel So Intense
Grief is a natural way our hearts respond when something meaningful is taken from us. This feeling means your mind and body are reacting in a way that makes sense, even if it feels overwhelming.
Kellie defines grief as “a series of intense physical and psychological responses that occur following a loss.” Many people assume that grief is only emotional, but it can manifest physically as well. For many people, grief can affect the body, too. Changes in sleep or appetite, ongoing fatigue, physical tension, or trouble focusing are all common and understandable responses to loss.
To help people understand what grief feels like when it first strikes, Kellie often uses a simple analogy. “At first, it really feels like you are in the middle of the ocean and drowning. You cannot keep your head above water, and these massive tsunami waves are crashing over you, one after the other.”
These feelings are not a sign of weakness but are a part of experiencing grief.
Over time, Kellie explains, these waves of grief change. “Little by little, the waves get smaller and happen less frequently, but don’t be surprised if an unexpected wave hits you out of the blue.”
It’s common to think that healing means leaving grief behind, but it doesn’t disappear just because life starts to feel more manageable. Even after you feel like you have moved past the grieving stage and things are going well, a feeling, a memory, or a quiet moment can suddenly bring your loss back into focus. These feelings don’t mean you are moving backward, but it’s just a part of how grief lives alongside everyday life.
Kellie shared a personal experience. After her grandfather passed away, she was at work and caught a whiff of the same coffee he used to brew. That smell brought back a rush of sadness, and shows how closely grief connects to our memories.
Grief is Not Only About Death.
Grief is not solely tied to death. While it often arises after someone’s passing, grief can also emerge from the unexpected loss of something significant.
Kellie often reminds clients that grief isn’t only tied to death. It can emerge when someone loses a sense of who they are, as after a career shift, for example, or after a medical diagnosis that changes how they see themselves and their future. Grief can also follow divorce or separation, as people mourn the family life, hopes and future they thought they were building.
Kellie also highlights that grief can accompany life milestones. Parents may experience both joy and grief at the same time. A child’s first birthday is a good example. It’s joyful and full of celebration and excitement, but it can also stir quieter emotions like the realization that the baby stage is ending. For parents who know this is their last child, that moment can carry even more weight.
If you’re feeling grief after a significant life change, it’s helpful to know that your experience is real and worth acknowledging. You don’t have to minimize it or explain it. Losses that don’t involve death can still profoundly affect how safe you feel, how you see yourself, and how you imagine your future.
Understanding Grief Beyond Tears
When people think of grief, they often imagine tears. While crying is common, grief can appear in many other ways.
Kellie comments that grief can take the form of “intense emotions,” such as sadness, depression, anger, or irritability. It might also include difficulty accepting what has happened, as well as feelings of anxiety.
Grief can affect daily functioning, not just emotional well-being. If someone is having trouble functioning without crying, or if their grief feels persistent and is interfering with our functioning, it could indicate that their grief has become overwhelming.
Some people may experience classic signs of depression, like not getting out of bed, not showering, not eating, or not sleeping well. For some, grief may even trigger panic attacks. Kellie emphasizes that grief is rarely a neat, step-by-step process.
“We talk about the stages of grief, but you’re rarely in just one stage with a clear transition.” If your experience of grief feels messy, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It simply means you are human.
Grief in Kids and Teens Can Be Easy To Miss
Grief in children and teenagers can be easy to overlook. For parents, recognizing grief, especially in teenagers, can be challenging.
Kellie describes it like this. Teenagers are often moody, isolated, test limits, and engage in dramatic behavior. As a result, it can be difficult to distinguish between typical adolescent behavior and signs of grief. She encourages parents to ask themselves, “Is my child functioning?”
Some signs that parents might notice include changes in friendships, school performance, sports participation, or overall behavior. If a child stops doing what they usually enjoy, seems withdrawn, or seems like a different version of themselves, these can be indicators of grief.
Grief and anxiety can show up physically in adolescents and teens who often struggle to name their emotions. Their bodies express what they cannot verbalize. “If you’ve got an anxious child, they might complain about an upset stomach, headache, or body aches. A common statement is, ‘My belly hurts.’ Their belly genuinely does hurt, but it’s not due to illness but stems from anxiety.”
These symptoms can appear not only after a death but also following family changes such as divorce or separation.”Anger can serve as a defense mechanism. It may shield a child from experiencing deeper feelings, such as grief”, says Kellie. For instance, a child may express anger towards one parent, yet beneath that anger lies a longing for the previous family structure.
“I should be over it by now.”
This is one of the most painful thoughts people carry when they’re grieving. Kellie often meets it with simple reassurance that you’re not alone.
Many people feel an unspoken pressure to heal on a set timeline, as if grief has a deadline. In reality, it doesn’t work that way. Healing isn’t about erasing the loss but finding a way to cope and discover hope.
When Grief May Be More Than Expected
Grief is expected after any loss. Feeling sad, crying, needing time alone, or needing support is normal.
Kellie says grief can become more complicated when it becomes stalled, when it feels like you are stuck in it.
Complicated grief can include: persistent thoughts that disrupt daily life, avoiding reminders, difficulty accepting the finality of death, intense yearning, numbness, isolation, loss of trust, and feeling hopeless or like life is meaningless.
If any of that fits, it does not mean something is wrong with you. It means your grief may need more support than you have right now.
Grief Counseling at Milestone
Starting therapy can feel intimidating, and Kellie understands that. “It’s terrifying to start therapy because you’re opening up to someone you don’t know,” she says. But she also emphasizes that therapy offers something rare which is a safe space to be completely honest about your pain.
“Therapy is unlike any other place. You can truly share everything you’re feeling, and a therapist will sit with you in that pain without judgment. That can be incredibly comforting.”
The first session usually begins with an intake, during which a clinician asks many questions about your life, experiences, and what brought you to therapy. Milestone Counseling takes a relational, strength-based approach. Kellie explains:”We all have strengths within us, and there’s so much that’s going well in our lives. Therapy helps you tap into those strengths to reach your goals and restore hope and peace.”
Grief counseling isn’t one-size-fits-all. For children, Kellie may incorporate play therapy, art, or activities like creating a memory book. Adults often work more through conversation, though clinicians may also use practical tools and exercises.
One of the simplest yet most powerful tools is learning to name your feelings. When you can identify what you’re feeling, you can begin to work with it rather than being overwhelmed by it.
Grief Does Not Have to Drive Your Life
There is hope. “Through grief counseling, you can learn to make your grief a passenger rather than the driver. This allows you to take control of your life again.”
This does not mean that your loss is any less significant but rather it means you no longer feel helpless in its presence. If your grief feels heavy, confusing, or as though it’s consuming your life, it may be time to reach out for help. Support can change everything. Community is important, and therapy can be an essential part of that support. As Kellie describes, “Your pain is real. Your grief is real and it is okay to acknowledge it.”
Resources
Bereaved Children Speak (Video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBD1KTbF4fc
National Alliance for Children’s Grief: https://nacg.org/?srsltid=AfmBOorVu8xYy_evqXbGsOMf-62Sw_PIvZMwOj5vsnOhCOrNfRvNCJ90
Center for Loss: https://www.centerforloss.com/
What’s Your Grief: https://whatsyourgrief.com/
Alliance of Hope (Suicide loss survivors): https://allianceofhope.org/